We has parents with a complex, special needs daughter has been pushed beyond what's humane. What we go through on a day by day basis would break any normal human's ability to be sane after years and years of this kind of parenting. Allie's temper-tantrum's are not a typical tempertantrum. We call them rages now she is 9 years old. Her face, eye's, and body goes to through a metamorphis. She is stronger than her "normal" calm self. It does remind me of the 1970's show the Incredible Hulk.
We have a system for how Eric and I communicate to each other what emotional state Allie is in currently. GREEN means she is feeling great, and she is happy. YELLOW means she starts arguing and saying mean things to people around her. RED is self injurious, kicking, biting, head-banging and no self control needs restraint to keep everyone safe. At home I see her when she is on her way to rage. I keep it "at bay" when dad is away at work. He works a 10 min drive away. Somedays I text him, "yellow" and he text's right back, "on my way."
We lived for two weeks with Eric's mother, Nana while waiting to move to our new house in Plymouth. It was the first time Nana witnessed Allie's rage transformation. "Her eye's changed Joni, it was not Allie", she told me after a rage episode. I know, I know. This was a physical change that for the first time someone other than mom and dad saw.
Last night Allie was restrained during a rage. The rage and temper-tantrum lasted 2 hours. Eric and myself exhausted beyond what is humane. Allie bit several walls, wood railing and bed. She bangs her head on the carpet really hard so till she has bruises and red marks on her forehead. So angry.
UPDATE 8-8-13 : It is almost her 10th birthday! Allie has come far without rages for almost a year! Her last rage was when we moved the week of August 31st 2012. She has "fits" we call them now days, and, mostly at school. We are very proud of her for keeping calm for us.